Thursday, February 07, 2008

MBA interviews : Attempts to peep into the ass' soul

Hi guys.. Have been busy with preps for MBA interviews.. And it's such a sick thing!! Preparing for "all kinds of questions" drives me crazy.. Especially for those questions that seem to probe into the core of our consciousness..

Of course, most MBA aspirants lie through their teeth in their interviews (the others rewrite CAT the next year again).. But preparing for all this is frustrating..

Now, what would happen if B-school interview panels start forcing verita serum down our throats before the interviews?

Possibly this:

Panel: Hello Aspirant. Please take a seat.

Aspirant: Thank you, Sirs.

Panel: So how was your journey?

Aspirant: Cut the cooling-down crap.. I know you are not bothered about it one bit..

Panel: Ok then, why don't you tell us something about yourself?

Aspirant: My name is Aspirant. I did my schooling at Chen...

Panel: No no. All those details are there in this form you submitted over mail. Tell us something that is not on this form.

Aspirant: I love porn.

Panel: Ok you are a software engineer. Can you tell me today's price for an Infosys share in the BSE?

Aspirant: And why am I expected to know that?

Panel: Simple...
You are software.
Infy is software.
You want to get into business.
Shares are business.
See the relation?

Aspirant: Duck you.. Tell me this is a practical joke.. Please..

Panel: Hmmmm.. Can you please tell us why you want to do an MBA?

Aspirant: It's for the money, dude! I heard that MBA guys get paid bucket loads.

Panel: And why do you want to do your MBA at this institution?

Aspirant: I wrote CAT and applied to all institutions in the country. You are one of the few who have called me for an interview.

Panel: So what are your short term and long term goals?

Aspirant:
Short Term: Earn money.
Long Term: Earn more money.

Panel: Which other B-schools have you got interview calls from?

Aspirant: IIM Ahmedabad

Panel: Between us and IIM Ahmedabad, which institute would you choose?

Aspirant: What kind of a question is this? Either you've got no brains, or you've got loads of balls. How can you even ask such a question?

Panel: Which stream would you want to specialize in, if you get in here?

Aspirant: Marketing

Panel: Ok, lets see how good you are at marketing. Sell this pen to us.

Aspirant: I said "I want to specialize in marketing".. That means I suck at it now.. If I was already skilled, why would I want to learn that? Confirmed, you have got no brains..

Panel: Let's say you work for a multinational company. You overhear your manager conveying some sensitive data to some stranger over phone. What would you do?

Aspirant: Record his conversation and blackmail him.

Panel: Tell us one good reason why we should offer you a seat.

Aspirant: I have made you run out of good questions, and now you are trying to throw the onus on me. Is this reason not good enough?

@Other MBA aspirants: Have I missed any sick-to-the-core question? Add on...

26 comments:

cOOL_aLIEN_fRM_mARS said...

funny as hell :)

lets hope that you havent given your blog url in your profile sheet ;)

by the way my blog is now at www.martiangeek.com da...not olympusmons.. :P

arbee said...

everything on the otherside of the table wanted to say.. great one..

alpine path said...

:D Wonderful :D

King Vishy said...

@everyone: Thanks people! guess it evoked some memories :P

@cool_alien_frm_mars: Error corrected boss :)

Ramya said...

hello sir, interview ku prepare panna sonna, nallave panirukke...

awesome man.. all blunt truth penned down out of frustration??

desh said...

hehehe, great one vishwa

but indian b-schools are like tht only, cant help :|

Superficial Gibbering prater said...

good one...the best was...

Of course, most MBA aspirants lie through their teeth in their interviews (the others rewrite CAT the next year again)..

dont reveal personal preference on genre of movies ...everyone knows..

:P

Ananthasubramanian said...

Just loved the way, an aspirant :D :D vents out his /her feelings...Anyways,it doesnt goes unnoticed now as you have brought that to the table. People would now think,"Hey !! How do you read my mind???"....:D :D :D

Nicely presented !!!

Crazy on Bollywood said...

Really it happens to the candidates.Most of all panel behave much like that way.

Lone Star said...

really funny!! Especially I liked the "Sell this pent to us..." part. Sooper answer :)

King Vishy said...

@everyone: Thank you for your comments / compliments.. Having completed my IIML interview a couple of days back now, I stand by this post much more than ever..

Neo.... the One said...

macha . .chancey illada . . sathiyama ithu intha maathiri bloga irukumnu naan nenaikala . .i thought it wud b a serious post !
super machi . .
i liked this piece the most -
Panel: So what are your short term and long term goals?
Aspirant:
Short Term: Earn money.
Long Term: Earn more money.

King Vishy said...

@neo:
Actually, this IS almost a serious post.. The questions are all from actual interviews.. Only that the answers were more honest in this..

Anyway, thank you for readin on, despite thinkin it was 'serious' stuff :)

Abhinav said...

Awesome.. Got to your blog through pagalguy.. Best click of the week for me :)
My fav part was:

Tell us something that is not on this form.

Aspirant: I love porn.

Nice post dude.. keep em coming!

Sandeep said...

Ha ha, I wonder how an IIM panel wud respond if sum1 really takes a shot like this!

King Vishy said...

@sandeep:
I don't even want to know that! :) In fact, this post is the only reason why I avoid referring to my blog in interviews.. What if they ask for the URL and check it out! :D

BTW, welcome aboard..

Balakumaran said...

hahaha!!Good one mate!!

King Vishy said...

@balakumaran:
Thank you dude! :)

Alameen said...

amazing one man...
btw did u convert any.. i have one final interview to go..

Wish me good luck :)

Cheers
Al

King Vishy said...

@alameen:
Results expected next week..
nd ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR LAST :) Do well and tell us all abt it..

Bhargavi Krishnan said...

This is just super cool.. well I m not into this B skool fundas much... but i loved this blog..

way to go vishy :)

King Vishy said...

@bhargavi krishnan..
A comment after 8 months on this post!! Thanks for droppin by and commenting :)

Welcome aboard!

Pranav said...

Simply super da....
semmmma kamadi....

King Vishy said...

nejamma solreengala.. kalaaikkureengala therila..

irundhaalum dhangs baa :)

Anonymous said...

commenting more than an year after the post.. but stil considereing the last one was jus 4 days back, here goes...
did my blore call a few days back... think i belon to the category tat has to write it next year... and the only question asked, 'u r presentin the key note address at the iim 2010 batch convocation. start'
!@#$%^&*

King Vishy said...

@anon..
Very surprising!! Usually IIMB interviews are all about oneself and one's own world.. u were unlucky in that sense..

Anyway, dont resign until the results are out.. PI is just a PART of the process..